This story I quote from http://www.meicy-yeomans.co.cc/my-story.html
Please pay attention and read carefully
"Plastic credit card against hard surface – up the nose… All smiles.
Snorting cocaine is a bit like shooting yourself in the head, with a
much smaller barrel and your own breath providing the momentum. The
shot went straight to the brain, literally, but unlike a bullet it made
you feel amazing.
My nose burned the
way I liked it. The three powder-lines left on the bathroom granite
called my name. I snorted the next line and my head quivered the way it
always did; a quick, almost imperceptible jolt that most people
wouldn’t see, the bullet striking home.
I jauntily took my leave of the now stifling bathroom, grinning like
the village idiot. With cocaine playing its wonderful game on my
dopamine receptors, it’s going to be very difficult to put me down for
the night. Tonight will likely be the same as last, and tomorrow the
same as today, just a little gloomier. My parents would call me most
evenings and I would do my best to hold a sober voice, they could never
tell.
I needed a line and I needed it
NOW!! I noticed my hands were shaking, and I was starting to feel a
little anxious. This was what happened when your life was haunted by
your past and you couldn’t deal with the present, it made you freak
out. I was full of rage. I resorted to using cocaine in an attempt to
numb the pain. I quickly learned that if I had a few lines, then things
were much easier, and everything seemed to flow.
Few years later, head exploded, nose bleeding non-stop, heart was
beating too fast from the reaction of coke and sleeping pills.
Everything came to the worst point. Lets just say my life almost came
to an end, literally. I'd had enough and accepted to myself that, for
the first time ever, I needed help. God! Help me please! Nobody knew.
That was a glimpse of my story. I am a recovering cocaine addict and I
am 29 years old. I was first introduced to cocaine back when I was in
college. My friend, one night told me to take a hit, I was tempted
because he said it could make my pain went away, which it did. Anyway I
tried it and had a rush I had never felt before and then hit it again
and again and again and overtime I became an addict. All my problems
and pain disappeared at that moment. After a couple of lines I could
relax and be spontaneous. I associated being mildly inebriated with
being happy. So I loved coke, or rather I loved the effect it had on
me, although I wouldn't say I used heavily in the first couple of
months. Few months later, I couldn’t do less than 2 Gs a day. I used
every minute I could for 3 years; I cared about nothing but getting
high. I pushed away all the people who cared about me, I hurt them. An
addiction is progressive, and that's just how it was for me. As I'm
writing this, I've been thinking to myself, "Was it all really that
bad?" Yes it was that bad. I don’t want to go back, and I do not want
to die in the gutter. I know there is no guarantee that I will never
use again. There was a time when the thought of never having another
line scared the hell out of me. So much so, I realized I had to stop
thinking about it. Now it scares me to think that one day I might.
I couldn’t deal with reality, with all the problems I had and all the
pain that I felt. I ran to drugs for comfort. The truth is, drugs was
not the solution to my problems but it actually opened up whole new
problems for me. My addiction has ruined my life (I would never
introduce this drug to ANYONE). It is death in a millions ways. My life
was pretty sweet as some people say. I was living in a two bedroom
“Fifth Avenue” Apartment in Manhattan and had everything I have ever
wanted and I had many friends. I had it made until this drug destroyed
my life and now I have really nothing to show for it. I hurt the people
who really cared about me. I lost everything, it hurts me so bad when I
begin to think what happen to the three years of my life losing it all
everything I worked so hard for and it all came crashing down. I feel
that a chunk of my life was lost all due to this drug.
Doing coke at the levels I was doing also has had a serious impact on
my brain. My brain doesn’t function normally. It affects the way I talk
or think, I feel like a retard. I have mild brain damage. I’m still
pretty lucky, considering my adopted brother had severe brain damage
caused by drugs and died at the age of 21. I hate the drug now, it
stole my innocence as human being and it robbed me blind of all the
things I can never replace with the hands of time, I feel lost and
alone at times and I don't even know who I am these days, I look at my
pictures before I used this drug and it is clearly a total change of my
inner soul that had been isolated and tormented and broken to a
zillion little pieces. I don't even know who I am, it hurts. It's like
quick sand you will definitely go under fast, either financially,
mentally, physically, emotionally or all the above. It destroyed me.
Remember there is no rewind button in this life we live and time keeps
moving forward. As far back as I can remember, I didn’t care about my
life. I never knew how to be happy. I used to feel inadequate. I used
to feel that other people were better than me somehow, and I was always
trying to prove otherwise. I had both an inferiority and superiority
complex rolled into one, and I was confused and bewildered by it. I
felt different to other people and could not relate to them. I believed
the whole world to be watching me, waiting for me to slip and fail. I
had, in fact, been completely ill-equipped to cope with life. I was
still a child emotionally. It was as if I had been frozen in time when I
was 10 years old and never grown up. In a strange kind of way it is a
great thing, as I now have the chance to grow up all over again. Since
being in A.A, I have witnessed people die because they were unable to
stop their addictions. I am extremely fortunate and owe my life to
people in A.A. My sobriety is the most precious thing I have, for
without it, I have nothing.
I am now
discovering how take life as it comes, one day at a time, and to enjoy
every moment. I have had to come to terms with the possibility that I
am as equal as everyone else, while not letting it go to my head. I am
still coming to terms with this. I have had to realize that I am human,
and that there is no requirement for me to be perfect. I get angry and
upset sometimes, and that is allowed. I am not the machine I once
thought I was. The whole world is not watching me; rather I am a part
of it. Most of all, I have had to learn to accept life on life's terms,
and not my own. I am still learning.
Look, I’m the weakest person you know. I always associate my pain with
drugs. Whenever I feel pain, I think about using. Believe it or not,
I've been clean for 3 years. If I can stop, so can you..no matter what
addiction you have. All come from within ourselves. Don’t let it take
over or destroy your life. It’s not worth it. Trust me, I know. (DON'T
BE TEMPTED TO TRY IT) "
